31 Notions of Grace Day 2...View

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My view of Grace is ever evolving like I said yesterday. Being a teacher, when I don't know enough about something I tend to research it like crazy until I feel satisfied that I have exhausted all avenues to finding out more about said thing. 

According to Webster's Grace is the exercise of love, kindness, compassion, mercy, favor; a disposition to benefit or serve another. 

This definition may sound basic but sticking with the whole idea of simplicity to combat the complexity of the world we live in, this dictionary definition is certainly helpful when trying understand Grace.  

For myself the definition is lacking in that it does not mention or make any indication of where Grace came from originally. From a biblical standpoint Grace comes from God.  It is God giving us his love, kindness, mercy, and favor.


Even with all of this I still find myself asking what is Grace? And I realized, maybe this Grace thing is up to interpretation a little...


I really appreciate the following explanation, partially because I too have a two year old and also because this just really sums up my "view" of Grace. And the Rev. David Rogers Ph.D. is far more eloquent in his definition than I could ever be...


"Grace is a free-will gift of love from an Everlasting, Eternal, Self-Existent God who loves Man so greatly as to punish Himself rather than His children. All that He requires is that we love Him, trust Him, and obey Him. It is much like me telling my son in his toddler years to not touch something because it is hot and I get burned in the process. And, all I tell my son is don't do that you will get burned. Jesus took my place... Grace is His bearing me up when life is difficult. Grace is two sets of footprints in the sand when I need a friend and one set when I can no longer bear up because He carries me. Grace is not a thing to be possessed or demanded. Grace is the free gift of His good pleasure in acts designed to assist and bless Man. Grace is not a substance. Grace is an action from a loving Father who is God..." Credit


Nothing I could do would make God love me less and nothing I could do could make him love me more. He just loves me--unconditionally, unfailingly, infinitely. So if God just freely hands out this gift, why am I not also freely extending this gift to those around me? God tells us to be like him "for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy" (1 Peter 1:16). To grow closer to him we are called to be more like him. With that being said I need God's Grace the most when I am aware of areas in my life that are not going as they probably should. With this incredible Grace comes incredible responsibility. Grace is something I could and should be extending more openly. 

I know that I like it when others show me Grace. I like to feel loved and to know that when I have done something wrong or hurt someone I won't be yelled at. I appreciate when people are patient with me when I do something in a way different then they had intended. I want to know that when I make a mistake it will not be held against me. 

If we want to be treated like this then why do we not offer this on a regular basis to others? Because its difficult, stressful, daunting, and sometimes discouraging. But:  

"Grace comes in all different shapes and sizes. Even the messy ones." 

Wishing on Willows by Katie Ganshert

So, here we go...an adventure to show God's Grace in all different shapes and sizes, including the messy ways. 

31 Notions of Grace Day 1...Move

Move

I love to create. When someone suggested I sell the things I make I really didn't think much of it. I like to make stuff, I like to give things to other people, and thats where it stopped. 

But I stumbled upon Etsy, thanks to my friend Jenn (of Make Mine Blue) and thought "hey, maybe I'll give this a shot."

The first thing you have to do is create a shop...and every shop needs a name. I went back and forth for quite a few days trying to figure out what to call my shop. I didn't want it to sound too cheesy and I also wanted it to be catchy. And so a few days later Notions of Grace was born. (Unfortunately given the season of life I am in, there is nothing available for sale in my shop, but there will be soon). After creating this shop I had a chance to be part of a craft show where I sold some of my handmade items. A lady at this show approached my table and asked where I came up with the name for my shop. I had never been asked this question...and honestly, I didn't have an answer for her. She abruptly said "Come on girl, this is your chance to share!" I sort of brushed it off but later her voice came back to me. Her question got me thinking...why did I pick Notions of Grace. The "Notions" part is easy--sewing notions. The "Grace" part, welllll I didn't really know why. 

We use "Grace" pretty freely, but describe it/define it/explain it. Ummmm.


What do all Generation Y/Millennials do when they can't answer a question?

If you go this route be prepared for some serious confusion and for a headache that may ensue. 

Due to this confusion (and headache!) and because I feel like life is just far too complicated and complex as it is, I have decided to go with a very basic definition/view of Grace.

I truly appreciate this two word definition: 

Unmerited favor

And yet, while I appreciate the definition...I also find it insufficient. 

But I'm going to go with it. 

And since today's one word prompt is "Move" I have decided that for the next 31 Days, I am going to challenge myself to make a more conscious move toward Grace, because as Jesus commanded, "Love each other as I have loved you." John 15: 10-12. He calls us away from our own personal comfort and more toward service. And if I can't do a good job defining, describing, or explaining Grace...then I'll be a walking example of Grace.  

31 Notions of Grace

I am currently reading Lisa-Jo Baker's Surprised by Motherhood and also love reading her blog/following her on twitter/ facebook (not a stalker, honest). Five Minute Friday is something she does and I love it...everyone writing for 5 minutes using the same prompt.

Have I every participated? 

No.

I love reading her posts and I enjoy perusing the other posts that link up to hers, but the buck usually stops there. 

This October though I have decided to jump in and try it out. In the blogosphere I have stumbled across a "challenge"...

Ok.

For the month of October I will be writing every single day (fingers crossed). This challenge comes straight from Kate Motaung at Heading Home. She has taken Myquilyn from The Nester's 31 Days and Lisa-Jo's Five Minute Friday and combined them into one challenge! When I first thought about blogging every single day I broke out in a cold sweat and my head started spinning. I barely post on my blog every 3-4 months, and now I'm thinking of doing it every single day for a month? However, Kate has generously provided a list of prompts for the month, with a surprise topic every Friday. It follows the same format as Lisa-Jo Baker's Five Minute Friday--one prompt, five minutes. I have decided to tweak this challenge a little and not hold myself to the "five minute" rule. I'm just going to write however long I feel like writing that day. 

I'm anticipating that this type of challenge is really going to stretch me...and I'm actually excited. I have chosen 31 Notions of Grace as my theme for the month and decided to really develop and illustrate why I have chosen Notions of Grace as the title of my blog. 

Check back often and see how I'm doing and hold me to it friends...

A Birth Story...

I'm not entirely sure where to start or whether this is even of any interest to anyone who might read my posts but its been weighing kind of heavy on my heart and I've been wanting to get it written down anyway so here goes. And even though it has taken me months to finish/publish...here it is. 

In all honesty I think the writing of Ethan's birth story was somewhat spurred from being included in the birth of my second niece. This is the second time I have been blessed to watch a tiny little life come in to this world. All three deliveries I have been there for (including my own ;o) ) were filled with every emotion possible...lots of smiles and "ooh thats uncomfortable" comments from mom, tense moments of quiet when working through a contraction, faces filled with fear and "I can't do this" comments, to pure, raw love and happiness as the little bundle makes his/her entrance. Both times it has been such a joy to watch both my sister and sister-in-law hold their little girls for the first time just minutes after they've delivered and fall madly, completely, head over heels in love with their daughters. And here is where our story diverts from the two stories I had enjoyed from the outside...

My pregnancy was pretty textbook to be honest...morning sickness (eh hem...all day sickness actually) the first trimester, more energy the second, and then complete misery the third. Taylor babies are known for being large--and this little man did not disappoint. I was definitely large and in charge during the final trimester. I definitely could NOT see my feet, even though they were swelled double their size (new shoes were a necessity at that point). I had every intention of working right up until at least my due date, if not longer. I remember telling my 'plan' to my boss that I was going to be there when my kids took their state English and Math tests. I also clearly remember him smirking and saying "ok Courtney, as long as you have a plan" sort of demeaningly and me being a little irritated that he didn't believe me. But, he was right in his sort of "yeah right" response. I never did return to work the week of the tests...I had been in the Dr's office and Labor and Delivery probably 4-5 times for non-stress tests because my blood pressure was through the roof. Every time the monitors would register contractions but nothing too uncomfortable/noticeable for me...and every time everything looked great for the baby according to the Drs and nurses. After finding out that the "pains" I was having were contractions I thought "hey lets get a move on then little baby and get out here so we can meet you". However, he had another idea...he was quite comfortable in there and I was still a week out from my due date. The Sunday before Ethan was born I had a little bout with false labor landing me in Labor and Delivery for a few hours only to be sent home because things slowed down...this can have a terrible affect on your mood, let me tell you. So home we went and this started my week of getting up each morning with every intention of going to work but finding out very quickly that my body was NOT going to make it through the work day. 

On Friday of that week my mom and niece came over and since I had been resting all week I was ready to do something a little more active. We decided to take Isabella to the park down the road from our house (about a mile) in our new stroller. I chose to push her hoping all the way that maybe walking AND pushing the stroller would help get things moving. And low and behold IT WORKED! The next morning, like weeee hours of the morning, I woke up with some pretty righteous pain and told Aaron that I was going to lay on the couch but to be ready should I need him. Aaron went back to sleep for a while and I laid on the couch riding the waves of contractions and waiting for them to get closer together. They definitely did that and so after getting Aaron up we got ready to head to the hospital. Showered, made a plan for where to grab me something to eat (since I knew I wouldn't be given even a smidge of food at the hospital)...and we headed out the door. Now at this point I wasn't feeling too much pain, just some discomfort, and so I was afraid things had slowed down. I told Aaron I wanted to walk to the end of the street and see how I felt...I didn't want to head to the hospital only to be sent home again. Before we got back to our driveway I was practically on my knees and knew at this point--OK! Let's GO! (NOW!). 

At the hospital things went as they normally do. I was admitted, put in a delivery room, and got down to the business of labor. I had previously decided I wasn't going to have a "birth plan" other than "get the baby out" and I was just going to go with the flow--no pain meds unless I needed them, and if I did I'd ask for them. I have a pretty decent pain tolerance I learned and didn't end up needing anything for quite a while...about 24 hours  later to be exact. I was not very keen on the idea of the epidural because I was also not keen on the idea of being totally tied to the bed. When I don't feel good or if something hurts I want to be able to just do my own thing...whether it be sleep or walk it off. I didn't do a whole lot of sleeping but I definitely did a lot of moving. Birthing ball, walking around the room, leaning over the bed and rocking back and forth...pretty much if it felt good, I did it. I had a lot of back pain/hip pain...so the birthing ball was awesome. Ethan decided to have his little derriere facing up so the posterior position definitely made things interesting. Plus in hindsight, being that he was 9 lbs 3 oz inside my short 5' 2" body probably also increased that discomfort. We labored like that for like I said almost 24 hours. I took a shower in the midst of all of that to try and relax and dilate a little more and that helped for a little bit. When it was time to push, nothing happened...and I mean nothing. I pushed for about 3 hours...being given suggestions by my doctors of all sorts of positions to 'help' things along. No Ethan. 

Given the circumstances, I really do not remember it being 3 hours...I just remember pushing and trying so hard to meet my little person. (at this point we didn't know it was Ethan...we just knew it was a baby...Ethan could have been a "She-than" --like what I did right there?? ;o) ) At some point, my doctor came in and said very calmly and sweetly "I think its time to call it Courtney." And I remember thinking "Really? I don't want a c-section though"...and feeling very defeated. So defeated in fact that I had to look to Aaron and his encouragement to finally say "Ok...let's go ahead with it." 

I've never seen a staff move so quickly...minus the  anesthesiologist (hey, at that point there was NO reason for the contractions/pain so this momma got cranky and wanted miss anesthesiologist to get her little behind down there). My delivery room had been all set up for a regular delivery...but in the blink of an eye all of that was taken care of and they started to prep me for surgery. A lot of what happened next is a blur. I don't remember being wheeled into the operating room or much between that and the anesthesiologist doing her thing. I do remember Aaron being up near my head and the anesthesiologist asking if I could feel her touching my shoulders...of which I could. I also remember feeling pretty nauseous and her telling me to let her know if it got too horrible. Aaron sat watching me the whole time, which was good considering he had to look away when they took some blood when we first arrived at the hospital. My mom was given the lovely opportunity to wait on the other side of the glass window with some medical students. Little did she know she was about to get the view of a lifetime and see a whole lot more of me than she expected. Yikes. 

But after some tugging and pulling...this guy made his entrance into the world at 6:15 a.m. weighing 9 lbs and 3 oz. 

And it was a boy...

As I said before we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl...and let me just say, if anyone can wait find out the sex of their child the long 9 months it is SOOOO worth it. What a wonderful surprise after such long, long, difficult day. (Not that having a girl would have been any less wonderful)










Here are a few more pictures...sorry. 

The emotional whirlwind that happened directly after this was something I didn't really process until much, much later. Giving birth is pretty emotional any way you look at it...but this was pretty righteous for me. My type-A personality unfortunately (even though I said I didn't have a 'plan' per say) had a plan or idea as to how this day would go. I'd go in, labor for a bit, and have a baby...just like I read about, heard about, watched, etc. 

I must have fallen asleep right after because I do not remember being wheeled into the recovery room. Or maybe they helped me fall asleep so they could take care of me. I do remember my mom sitting there in the recovery room, and Aaron coming in pretty soon after. I don't remember if he had Ethan with him or if they brought him to me later on. And to be honest, some of this may be incorrect...but I don't particularly mind. This is what I remember of this pretty important day and so thats how it will remain.
C-Section was NOT in my plan. And it hurt, emotionally and physically. And it still hurts sometimes...more emotionally than physically, but sometimes emotional feels physical. I was sad for a long time that I didn't get to hold Ethan right away...I just got to look at him from across the room, and even that was an exhausted look. I remember trying very hard not to cry...if I had started I don't know if I would have stopped. I also remember laying there thinking, "please let it be a boy, please let it be a boy." I think somehow in my brain I thought, "if this is a boy, it will make me ok with what is happening." Once they weighed him I remember thinking "well its ok I failed--he's a big baby, I'm a small person."  
I know that the end goal is to have a healthy baby and we did that. (And boy was he healthy...wow, was he big and heavy and solid for an infant). I also know that in all honesty I didn't 'fail'...I still brought a beautiful life into this world. I'm not writing this as a way to scare anyone or to say "HEY! This is what you should expect if you go the C-section route!" Every birth is different...thats a no-brainer. But I also know being that I never even entertained the idea of a c-section, it was all very scary and fast and I wish I had been a little more prepared in hindsight. At my follow up appointment the Dr. explained a little more about what had happened and why we had to go the way we did...and I know now that, if I had tried to have this baby before the advancements of medicine it would have been far more scary. 


For any possible future babies I know a C-section is the way I will be going (VBAC is pretty much not an option for me). And I will lay there waiting to see a little head pop up over that curtain and to hear the first cries and thats ok. 

Because even though it was traumatic, and scary, and sad...and overall not what I had planned, we still wound up with a pretty awesome prize at the end. 

Ding! Pop-tarts are DONE!

As promised here is the pop-tart update! 

They were a little labor intensive but I think some of that might be due to the fact that I've never made them before.  Now that I have been through the process once I think it won't take me as long.

Also, I only got 12 pop-tarts out of this recipe. I think if when I do it again I will double the recipe and make enough to freeze an entire batch. 

And on that note...

Without further ado, here are some pictures of the process:

 After rolling out the dough (which was tricky considering there is a fair amount of butter in the dough AND it was pretty righteously hot and humid) here are the bottoms with the brown sugar and cinnamon filling inside. 

Mmmmm here they are halfway done...

And....Voila!

I'm excited to make them again with some different fillings. I might even try some savory types of fillings...pesto and ricotta maybe? Or pizza? 

                                                   Oh the possibilities!

Let's get real here...

So in my efforts to 1. work on this post-baby body and 2. focus on the health and well being of myself and my family I have recently become very conscious of ingredients. I'm not talking about ingredients in the recipes I make...but ingredients in the things I buy. I've dabbled in the blogosphere of people writing about food additives and pushing toward a very natural, unprocessed diet and have come across a few blogs that I read regularly. One in particular is 100 Days of Real Food. I haven't read through probably half of what is posted and I'm not sure when I started following this blog but I can't get enough of it. Now, I haven't jumped full force into the idea of eating ONLY real food...but I am gradually starting to switch things over in small doses. I knew if I went cold turkey I might lose my mind, or send my husband running for the closest McDonald's. 

Honestly, when it comes to dinner we usually aren't too far off the mark of eating "real food". I like to make dinner from scratch when I have the time and by planning my meals a month ahead of time we can usually stick to real food. We do enjoy a good take out meal once in a while though. Take last night...roast in the crock pot, homemade mashed potatoes, and baby carrots. A "real" meal. 

A few places where I have switched to real food are:

1. We do not buy sandwich bread from the store anymore. 
      I asked for a bread-maker for Christmas and my father-in-law made that happen. I probably make 2 loaves a week when we are both in school. It took quite a few tries to get the bread how we like it but now I think I've got it down pat and it might take me ten minutes to throw the ingredients in and walk away (flour, brown sugar, salt, yeast, yogurt, and water--easy peasy). 

2. We do not buy pre-made packets of oatmeal, nor "quick oats".  
      Ethan's typical breakfast is oatmeal. It fills that big tummy up! I also like it because it tends to stick to my ribs a little longer than a bowl of cold cereal does. I found a recipe in my new favorite cook book The Homemade Pantry--101 Foods You Can Stop Buying and Start Making that with an oven and food processor you can make your own "instant" oatmeal. Now it takes longer than a minute to make this one (a whole whopping 5 minutes) but it is worth it to plan a little ahead and have real oatmeal. Just as a comparison check this out (photo courtesy of Midwest Texan)...

These are the ingredients in Quaker Oats Maple and Brown Sugar instant oatmeal. A few of those are difficult to pronounce. I know that guar gum is used to thicken the oatmeal...but to me the fact that it is listed BEFORE oat flour just seems wrong. Wouldn't oat flour suffice as a thickening agent. 

The oatmeal I made has: old fashioned oats, brown sugar, a little bit of salt, and some cinnamon. That's it! 


3. No more margarine! (Blegh!)
     We ONLY use real butter now. Doesn't seem like such a big deal...but it is to me. If we had serious heart issues then I would probably try to curb my butter use and go for a margarine that is seriously low in trans fats. But for now, bring on the saturated fat (just in small doses). To me milk and cream seem far more healthy than plant oils that have been hydrogenated. 

4. Homemade, Homemade, Homemade.
     Many of the things I buy I am slowly finding ways to make them instead. The Homemade Pantry book has helped a great deal with that and some of the things I am going to try my hand at I found in this book. For example, now that I am on summer vacation I am going to try to make pop-tarts. I found the idea in the book, but I did like the texture of the pastries so I have since found one where the pastry is a little more 'dense' and freeze-able. I have also made chicken nuggets, purely out of ground up chicken (I ground it myself :-O) and breadcrumbs...and Aaron can attest to their flavor--they were pretty darn good. Thank you Weelicious. On the docket is ketchup, graham crackers, granola, cereal bars, hamburger buns, tomato sauce, and cheese crackers. 

5. Mama's getting a chest freezer...and some canning supplies
     Aaron has promised me a freezer by the end of the summer and I am going to attempt to can a few things this fall as well. We moved to a house where I can have such things in the basement and be able to eat local all winter long hopefully!


First on my list are the Pop-tarts. I made the dough this a.m. and it is chilling in the fridge right now. I'll be back with an update as to how this: 

Hopefully turns into this: 

Photo courtesy of SmittenKitchen

Two years??.......What?!?!

Lately I've been getting the 'itch' to get back to my blog.

Looking at the previous post it is obvious that it has been almost two years since I have even thought about posting...one month shy of two years actually. However, a lot has happened/changed that delayed posting anything to my blog.

The most significant and best change is definitely... 

Ethan C. Taylor
April 2012

This has been the greatest but most demanding time in my life thus far. My pregnancy was pretty textbook, labor was not (more on that at a later date), but the the past year has been very busy and if I wasn't feeding, bathing, rocking, or trying to get Ethan to sleep I was finally eating myself and sleeping when I could. Ethan was (and sometimes continues to be) a very tough baby. Colic, ravenous every hour of every day it seemed, and about 5 ear infections in less than 3 months which led to ear tubes certainly made things very challenging, but honestly its very easy to brush that aside when you see this every day:

Ethan C. Taylor 

June 2013

On top of this big change we have also sold our house, bought one we have been wanting to buy for some time, and have finally moved in and are getting settled. 

I'm looking forward to writing again and documenting our life...