31 Notions of Grace Day 12...Rest

Rest

Do I really know the meaning of rest?

I'm one of those people who cannot sit still...and I know a lot of people say that but seriously I can't. I'm constantly trying to think of how I can multi-task. If I'm sitting down to watch something on TV I try to think of something I can accomplish while I do so (fold laundry, cut coupons, answer emails, sew something). If we're heading out for a rather long-ish car ride I try to think of things I can do while I'm sitting in the car (cut coupons, make lists, sew something, etc.). Sometimes when I'm laying in bed I think "You should probably be doing __________, or writing down ___________, or yada, yada, yada."

It's kind of messed up now that I think of it.


I'm definitely a Martha girl, unfortunately.


Its sort of a never ending cycle. I tell myself that if I can just accomplish one more thing then I can really truly chill out and relax/rest later. However, when I accomplish that task and should be heading toward that "rest" I always seem to find one more thing I should do...


I began reading Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver a year or two ago. I never finished it. I think in part because I didn't like how much I related to Martha. When I was reading it I remember thinking about how I would be sooooo frustrated and upset if Jesus told me that Mary was right. While I'm slaving away trying to get food on the table for Jesus and his disciples, Mary is just sitting there at Jesus' feet and how Jesus advises Martha that Mary has chosen better.

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Kind of makes me crazy just thinking about it right now. 

Sometimes being 'type-A', or a 'doer', or whatever you want to call it makes it truly difficult to relax and enjoy a good rest. As I've stated in previous posts---anxiety can really do a number on me and this is one area where it definitely does.

I find myself battling back and forth with this. Yes, I need to take time to chill out and just be. However, where would we be without a least a few Marthas in this world?

The problem isn't with being a Martha...its more with not having our priorities straight. If my doer attitude is getting in the way of my relationships and my faith then its time to re-evaluate.

With the upcoming holidays I know that I may have a tendency to swing into full on Martha-zilla. This year I am going to remember to practice grace and spend more time on what is important rather than what I deem urgent.

31 Notions of Grace Day 11...Teach

Teach

I have taken some pretty difficult classes in the past, both in high school (calculus--) and college (too many to list). 

However, the most difficult class I have taken, and am still enrolled in, is this class called parenting.

And good heavens the teacher can be very demanding.

But look at this face...

He has taught me all sorts of things.

In the way of grace he has taught so very much.

He has taught me to take time to play and enjoy simple things.
     My perpective has totally changed since Ethan came into my life. Things that seem so small and unimportant are now so exciting and new. Just playing with a cardboard box is super awesome to this little guy. I am more apt to recognize the small and simplistic beauty during my day because of Ethan.

He has taught me that its ok to admit when I need help.
     My issue with control (that I've spoken about previously) makes it very difficult for me to admit defeat or that I can't do it all on my own. While he is definitely 2 1/2 and thinks he can do anything...he will also very willingly say "I need help mommy" if he needs it without being concerned how he might be perceived. Plain and simple--he needs help, so he asks. This is a nice reminder to me to also reach out and accept/rely on those who love me and just want to help.

He has taught me to trust.
     For someone who prided herself on her ability to take control, get things done, and keep things very neat, orderly and organized...this whole parenting thing has taught me that I'm soooo NOT in control. I've felt inadequate and overwhelmed more than I ever thought I could. Mothering Ethan has tested my faith in a million ways. This has forced me to lean into God and his faithfulness. He reminds me that praying to God for patience, wisdom, or peace for my soul is ok and that I am dependend on God.

I am so thankful to God for giving putting this teacher in my life! I have learned so much in these last two years and am so grateful for these daily reminders of Grace.

31 Notions of Grace Day 10...Care

Care

I love to care. 

If that sounds weird, let me elaborate.

What I love is to take care of people, things, situations, etc...almost to a fault. 

It can be difficult being an organization-lover. It's very stressful, demanding, and gut wrenching at times. And at other times its incredible, and fulfilling, and basically the greatest feeling ever. 

There are a lot of things I "care" about on a regular basis. 

I care about my family,

                                my job,

                                      my health

                                            my house,

                                                  our finances

                                                        the students I teach

                                                              my friends

But sometimes this "care" should in all honesty be called "worry". I have always suffered with this issue. I'm a worrier...and with worry comes anxiety, and sometimes its debilitating. Like today, I am simultaneously worrying about all of those things on my list (and then some). I find it really difficult sometimes to step back and look at things 'big picture' style and I get hung up on the 'trees' rather than the 'forest'.  

So friends, for those of you who relate to this crazy girl's description...here's a good dose of grace in the form of some scripture to help us all with that worry and anxiety.

Matthew 6:27-29

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.

       --don't worry, be happy...worrying can't add time to your life, in fact its a big ol' fat waste of time!--

Proverbs 12:25 The Message

25 Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word picks us up.

--Amen to that! Sometimes when my 'caring' gets out of hand and I begin to perseverate...my body physically feels heavier. If I could lay my trust in God a little more often I might not feel so weighed down--

And a big fault of mine is not being committed to prayer...I feel like I haphazardly throw up a prayer sometimes when what I really need to do is remember this little formula I read about: 

WORRY replaced by PRAYER = TRUST (credit)

I love this. 

And I also love this:

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Matthew 6:30 The Message
30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers— most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

--To me this is kind of like a “Helloooooo, if God cares about wildflowers, obviously he cares about YOU!” And yeah, I do need to relax, thanks for the reminder! I need to stop worrying about getting stuff done, or getting something fixed, or created, or taken care of…and be more worried about responding to God’s grace. I need to pray more and therefore trust more.--

And lastly, this little nugget feels like a snuggly warm blanket right now:

1 Peter 5:7 The Message
6-7 So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.

Thank goodness! When it comes to care I need to consistently remind myself to look to the CEO of Caring and allow myself to be cared for too. 

XOXO

31 Notion of Grace Day 9...Join

Join

Join me in spreading the news; together let’s get the word out. God met me more than halfway. He freed me from my anxious fears. 

Psalm 34:4 (The Message)

This verse just really hit me today. Showed up, unannounced, and stayed all day in my little head. :)

And it immediately aided in getting Amazing Grace stuck in my head too...I think I've hummed/whistled/sang (maybe not out loud) parts of it all day. 

1. Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
   That saved a wretch like me!
   I once was lost, but now am found;
   Was blind, but now I see.
2. ’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
   And grace my fears relieved;
   How precious did that grace appear
   The hour I first believed.
3. Through many dangers, toils and snares,
   I have already come;
   ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
   And grace will lead me home.
4. ...
5. When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
   Bright shining as the sun,
   We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
   Than when we’d first begun.

But seriously, read over those lyrics...this simple little song sums it all up. 

So thank you Mr. John Newton for these beautiful words (and the goosebumps that come with them).

I'm so glad I found this 31 Days challenge. It's pushed me and pulled me and its only been 9 days. I am glad I joined in on this journey and am documenting all of the Notions of Grace in my life. 

31 Notions of Grace Day 8...Say

Say.

"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one" (Colossians 4:6).

Zing.

There it is. In plain black and white.

When someone is rude, has a snarky comment, or is just downright mean to me or someone else,  sometimes my hotheaded and argumentative side wants to explode to the surface, throwing back some snippy, snide remark.

However as it says in Colossians... :: sigh ::

Our tongues have incredible power. We can build someone up or tear someone down using just mere words.

But----

Grace = mercy. 

Grace ≠ justice.

When I'm having a particularly tough time figuring out a way to show Grace, I find myself actually repeating the word Grace, over and over in my head...as if willing my whole body to show Grace.
 
Sometimes it works...

Sometimes I just have to smile and walk away. :) And that's ok, because sometimes NOT saying anything is the best way for me to show God's Grace. Sometimes, silence is golden.

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31 Notions of Grace Day 7...Go

 When things go wrong, don't go with them. 

-Elvis Presley

Tricky one today.

Go.
Go where?
Go do what?

hmph...I seem to have hit a wall. Maybe its because I've already fallen behind and I feel discouraged (catching up from yesterday-oops).


All that comes to mind is letting go...

          Sometimes in order to be in an attitude of Grace, I have to let go.

As in let it go Courtney...so you messed up in the first few days and didn't manage to post every. single. day. It's ok. The blogging police are not going to show up at your door. The guilt you are feeling is only bothering you...and it makes you pretty cranky sometimes. You do NOT always have full control over everything.

Control.

It's in our blood I swear. It's the extra leg of the Y chromosome that men don't get that's why they're XY not XX.  This "letting go" idea is so foreign and unnatural to me. I say I'm going to let it go, but honestly do we ever just "let it go!" (Come on Elsa, I can hear you belting it out in my head right now.)



I've found a book that's soon going to grace me with its presence--like what I did right there? hehe (probably to sit on my nightstand for a while, but hey that's ok, I'll get to it someday).


The book is called: "Let. It. Go." by Karen Ehma.
    The tagline...beautiful.

            How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith

Yes Please! :)

In the free study guide offered online there is a section that asks the reader to take inventory of areas in her life where its most difficult in terms of wanting our own way and being in control. Let's just say I could probably tick off all of them. 

In the past I probably would have listed work situations and maybe my own appearance (not just physical) as areas where I needed to have a lot of control. It has certainly shifted more currently to more of a relationships with spouse, children, as well as appearance of my house/life.


Maybe if when I'm feeling all micromanage-y and control freak-ish I should make it a point to remember this:

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. – Elvis Presley

Source : http://www.coolnsmart.com/giving_up_quotes/

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. – Elvis Presley

Source : http://www.coolnsmart.com/giving_up_quotes/

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. – Elvis Presley

Source : http://www.coolnsmart.com/giving_up_quotes/

31 Notions of Grace Day 6...Know

Know...thats the word of the day today (well actually yesterday, but hey life happened).

“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”  ~John 13: 34-35

What a great, simple, wonderful way to live life...to Love one another. 

I don't 'know' if I can compare or ever even fathom the level of love that God has for us.

When I thought about it and tried to imagine what God's love is like here is what I decided I do know: 

When Ethan needs to be held and I snuggle him all up and hold him...I feel like that is what God's love is like--being all wrapped up and comforted. 

Or when I'm sad/upset and Ethan leans over and says "It's ok, I will kiss it" and his cute little face looks all sorts of concerned and worried...I feel like that is what God's love is like. Nothing but genuine concern for me...

Or when I'm having a rough day and Aaron lays a hand on my back or reminds me to take a breath...that is what God's love is like--a small gesture that helps ground me a little. 

I only hope that in my daily actions I am recognizable as a disciple. 

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